Face: Clinique “Even Better” Liquid Foundation in Sand
"I can’t believe she found me on her own. It took her over an hour of staring the shelves, going back and forth between the display and the mirror, and looking around for help but not wanting to ask for any because she knows that she should know this by now - but she did it."
Eyes: Urban Decay 24/7 Glide On Waterproof Eye Pencil in Perversion
"Somebody help this girl, please. She’s been doing the same black cat eye routine since college… maybe high school. She went from eye pencil to liquid eyeliner to waterproof liquid eyeliner to me, waterproof eye pencil. Can somebody teach her how to smudge a b*tch without looking like Mike Tyson? (Not the black eye, the face tattoo.) And tell her to actually use the eyeshadow in her Urban Decay Naked palette, not just the primer? Ugh, I swear, I was meant for *soooooo* much more than this.”
Lashes: L’Oréal “Voluminous Million Lashes” Waterproof Mascara
"Eh, can’t complain. Now, falsies - don’t even go there."
Brows: Smashbox “Brow Tech To Go” in Brunette
"Even though she has thick eyebrows, I don’t think she fully grasps how to shape them. I saw her try to do the business card trick once and it did not end well. It was only two weeks ago that she realized that my other end has a gel wand. *facepalm*"
Contour: Kat Von D “Everlasting Face Shaper” Bronzer in Shady Business II
"Thank God she started watching all those makeup tutorials on YouTube. Girlfriend finally learned where her cheekbones are. Don’t worry, she highlights me with liquid illuminator. We owe you one, Michelle Phan.”
Lips: Tarte “Lipsurgence” Matte Lip Tint in Envy
"She has no f***king clue how to use lipstick. I’m a step up from tinted chapstick. Also, she has dry lips."